Wednesdays

Today I played with my children. We had a picnic, I cleaned my bathroom, did about five loads of laundry (and still going) and I finished Ivy's baby book. Yes, that was Ivy, the 6-year-old. Last Wednesday I worked, and the Wednesday before that and four years of Wednesdays. This Wednesday marks the first dedicated to being home with my family. I feel like I am in some sort of state of bliss.

After I had Charlotte a year and a half ago, I came back to work only two days a week, a welcome relief from the previous four-day work week. I have to say, as much as I am thankful for my job (really words cannot describe how thankful I am) the pull to be home even more for my kids and my husband has grown stronger and stronger.

Just a few short weeks ago, I was on my knees praying for a solution to childcare on Wednesdays for the summer. My husband has had a job change, no longer able to watch them that day. Our tight financial situation required that I continue to work my current schedule, if not more. Its funny how a silly little day of the week could cause so much stress. I had worked myself into a near panic with no possible solutions. My mind was worn from traveling 1000 miles an hour, from one idea to the next. I do that so well, and yet it gets me on a fast track to nowhere...every time. No ideas, no solutions.

So, today as I sit and write my little blog post, when I could be at work, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. There was nothing I could have done in my own power to come up with the solution that God provided to us, just a few days after my knees were worn from prayer. No need to hire a babysitter or daycare, no need for Rich to work extra, or me to work extra. The solution was simply that I could stay home, on Wednesdays. God took care of the money.

When we were having our picnic on the lawn, we watched the local robins, that the girls have named, hang out and do their thing. I was reminded how much God cares for those neighborhood robins. They don't need to try and figure out their situation.

Jesus says in Matthew,

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will

eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you, by being anxious, can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these....

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things

will be added to you."

Matthew 6:25-29, 33

I don't know why I always fret and worry. I need more robins in my life to remind me of who is in control, really. In the meantime, my Wednesdays are going to be filled with lots of laundry and picnics. Thank you, God for Wednesdays and the reminder to seek you first, always.

The Fight

My husband and I will have been married for 13 years on January 3. I love that man. He is strong and good, brave and meek. He inspires me to be a better me. This year, our best year yet, we came face to face with the fact that we may need to fight for our marriage. Our busy lives, with three children and several jobs between the two of us, brought us face to face with that reality. Both being pretty laid back, we have, in many ways breezed through our marriage. As we've watched others struggle, we've wondered at how it seems so easy for us? While we realize the blessing that this has been, we see now that in ways it may have been a detriment.

What happens when it's too easy, when there's no more than a little struggle? What happens when the 'busy' has beckoned you silently away from each other? The struggle, come as it will, does in fact come, and it's suddenly really, really hard. The splash of water on our face wakes us to the impending fight. The fight of a lifetime. The fight for time, for peace, for true love. Quality time, unless it is fought for, does not exist. A solid marriage, without quality time, will eventually not exist either.

This brings me to today, Christmas-time. The celebration of the birth of our Savior, a holy and beautiful time. I have ever been caught up in the lovely tradition of it. I have busied myself through many, many Christmases. Some more meaningful than others, but the true meaning always just a smaller piece of the bigger whole.

Tonight, I am reflecting. My task list is unfinished but I'm enjoying the Phil Wickham Christmas album while basking in the glow of my tree. In the quiet, in the solitude, an uneasy feeling settles in. I wonder if it's possible that I may have 'missed it'...again?

And my mind is reminded of the fight. Because isn't anything of value worth fighting for? Quality time with my King is more than a precious commodity, it's my lifeline, my survival. And the thought occurs to me, why am I not fighting for this with everything in me? Why, instead do I seem to be lulled by some sort of holiday shroud?

And so tonight, I fought. I willed myself to steal away with One who called me, who created me. And then it came... Grace. Peace. Calm. Quiet. His very presence was in itself the answer. It is HE that infiltrates and covers and releases all these beautiful traditions. No matter how hard I try, I cannot, in my own effort, try to fit God into my Christmas. I can't do this with God in any area of my life, but I see that I try to do it at Christmas especially. As Christians, we know the true meaning of Christmas, and so we try really hard to make sure he is adequately dispersed throughout the holidays.

Today, I say for me, I'm all in. Let Him come!

In his Word lies the 'Christmas Definition', so clear, so simple; a prophecy foretold:

"For unto us a child is born,

to us a Son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

- Isaiah 9:6

To satisfy

I would like to propose something. Nothing earth shattering or profound, and who knows if it's entirely true. A thought that's been rolling around in my head for weeks and I can't shake the implications. As we become fully satisfied in God, does the longing to be satisfied by earthly things truly diminish or disappear?

I like nice things. The apparent, given Distractions. Shopping and coffee...my iPhone, getting lost in the Food Network now and again. I love the fall and all that it brings. The orangi-ness and crispi-ness and autumn-ness surrounding us, illuminated by the perfect sunny skies; the pumpkin-spice lattes and costumes, leading to Christmas bazaars and cuddling up in our slippers and sweaters in our cozy homes. Summer in Alaska evaded us, but fall must show it's beautiful face. There is a solace in that somehow.

If I want to take this even further, I like to be busy. I love to donate my time for good causes and making a difference. I love my friends and my family, that, at times, leave me utterly speechless as I wonder how I deserve them. My church, that I love so much, where I give more time and more energy... and finally, my husband and three beautiful daughters... the list is endless of the good, good things I like. Surrounded by these good things, satisfaction seems inevitable.

But here's the thing...
In and of themselves, these are earthly things, and I believe that I have been a bit blind. Because even still, the 'unsatisfied' creeps in without a trace.

Ironically, Oswald Chambers writes in today's daily reading from 'My Utmost For His Highest', "To have a master means that there is one who knows me better than I know myself, one who is closer than a friend, one who fathoms the remotest abyss of my heart and satisfies it, one who has brought me into the secure sense that he has met and solved every perplexity and problem of my mind."

The void, it will come. It is not a matter of if it will come, but when. For me, the daily exhaustion, over-commitment and stress trigger the void. Strained relationships, loneliness, and of course traumatic situations trigger the void. Over time, the patterns I have learned to satisfy these voids as they come are worn and even imprinted in my brain. When I feel empty and hungry, do I turn to the Lord, before I choose something else from the list?

Last week, our church had a fast, those who wanted to going without food or other things as we pursued Christ, spending times in prayer. I decided to give up caffeine. Six days is just about enough time to painfully detox and come out the other side relatively in tact. Other than the debilitating four day migraine, it's actually hard to remember details of the week, as I was in a bit of a fog.

By about day 5, the fog in my head started to clear, both physically and spiritually. Giving up coffee cost me something. Giving up the comfort and pattern of satisfaction that it brought were equally as difficult as the physical detox was. But as the ache for it started to fade, a clarity in hearing the voice of God took it's place. I can honestly say that it was worth it.

I am not suggesting that you give up coffee. I am not suggesting that you give up the thing that brings you the most satisfaction. I am suggesting that you just stop for a minute and look at your satisfaction patterns. When the void comes, what do you do? What do you turn to?

I would like to present that in our moments of greatest weakness, greatest strength, and every apathetic moment in between, that we turn from our patterns of self-satisfaction, to the Lord. Because, when it comes right down to it, what is it that will get us through when the hard thing comes? Will the coffee or the alcohol or whatever it is that has worked before, keep us going? I am suggesting that it will not. My experience has told me that it will not.

"But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well," Matthew 6:33. There is an order in the spiritual realm. If we confuse the order, if we mix up seeking the things before pursuing God, then let me tell you, it does not go well. God is reminding me of His perfect order.

And I will go as far as to say that there is more at stake than perfect order. There is more at stake than making efforts to assure that we do not fall when the pressure comes. It is not about us. We, who are believers in Jesus Christ, serve a God who is Holy, Sovereign and Almighty. He does not tolerate these things in our lives that we have made to be idols. When we turn to these things before Him, again, and again...it is only a matter of time before correction comes.

But as we choose Him in our lives, He gives us life abundant, beyond what we could ever hope for. There comes order and peace. There is joy and there is understanding. When we persevere and walk unwavering, eyes fixed on Him alone, He WILL satisfy us. End of story.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits -

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love

and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with

good things

so that your youth is renewed

like the eagle's."

-Psalm 103:2-5

I am learning to walk this out, re-directing my paths to satisfy the voids as they come. Coffee is back, but with some boundaries. We'll see how it goes ... I think that as I continually lay all these things before Him at his feet, and I listen for what he says, AND am willing to obey, the order will correct itself.

And just as I am about to completely forget the satisfaction that I chose to sacrifice in the beginning, the satisfaction comes.

Family Road Trip: The Last Couple Days

"Soaked, Chilly and Happy"


Rain, rain, rain, little bit of sun - a summary of the last two days! It is a good thing we all like each other, or we just might have been over it before it was over. Our road trip was the right amount of time to get away from it all, and then, want to come back. That was the nice thing about having no agenda. Nowhere to be, no deadline to come back to...just come back when we're done.

Yesterday, we departed lovely, rainy Homer and made our way to lovely, rainy Seward. We stopped in Soldotna just long enough to have lunch at Dairy Queen (yuck), iced creme d' menthe americano's to go at Kaladi's (yum) and then to Kenai to check out the new Walmart attraction (new and shiny). We found Seward in the same state as we left Homer - wet. Nonetheless, we suited up in our raingear and headed to the coolest park we've ever seen (our discovery from two years ago) and then walked a mile or so into town for some dinner.

Today, we woke up to the sun shining through the motorhome windows and, while exhausted, ready to enjoy another day together, this time dry! We walked to Resurrect Art Coffee Shop for a yummy cuppa' joe and then to the Alaska Sealife Center, one of our favorites. (I'm sure you've noticed a pattern by now...coffee, then family activity).

We marveled again, at the seals, sea lion (my favorite), giant fish, jellyfish, starfish and diving birds. Definately worth the 57 bucks. New stuffed animals at the gift shop topped off the visit and we decided to head home. Our 'fun' capacity and level of sleep deprivation by all had hit its max.

After eating their sandwiches on the road, the girls passed out and we drove till we pulled into our driveway...home sweet home.

Our trip fulfilled its purpose. Rest and being together as a family. No worrying about the to-do list. Though it was funny to see how easy it was to just lay Charlotte in her crib tonight and watch her curl up and fall asleep within seconds while we whipped up a salmon dinner in minutes...for free! These luxuries of home, that we don't appreciate until we don't have them, I suppose.

I can't wait until we get another opportunity to appreciate them...next year! And for the record, we are still on vacation for another 3 days!

Family Road Trip: Day 2

'I Really, Really Like Them'

The motorhome is silent. The fam is a bit spent from our chilly, blustery, fun-filled day!

This morning we woke up to a downpour. While that could be potentially disastrous vacation material, we didn't let the dampness dampen our spirits. Well, I guess little baby Charlotte wasn't so sure. Being at the must-get-down-and-crawl stage, she fell and banged her head several times trying to get around in the small space. Her favorite spot was underneath the dining room table. She sampled the dog food several times and took a bath in dog water. Poor Charlotte was a little antsy....

As were the girls....

Then, a bit later the rain cleared and left behind some clouds and blustery wind, but a non-wet sort. So we ventured out to find some cool sock monkey hats, that I think made all of our day... ice cream and chili fries were to be had, and we found some very tasty coffee that I hope we can have again tomorrow... Later we met up with some dear friends for a late Mexican feast.

But the beach, of course, has been the very best part. I think that the girls would live on it if they could. I have already lost count of how many times we have combed the beach since we got here yesterday... today, we enjoyed some wind surfers and Sophia facilitated a family rock house building competition. Charlotte chose the winner by crawling towards the house she liked best. I think I won since she crawled in my general direction.

I needed to be reminded of how much I just really, really like my family. I have the most amazing kids and super fantastic husband there ever was. I am amazed at God, in His goodness, who chose to bless me this much...

Tomorrow, a shower and on to the next destination...

Family Road Trip: Day 1

'The Makings of Our Recipe'

We’re on the road. Borrowed motorhome, 3 children, 1 pug, and all the contents of our home (except the sink) signals the beginning of a much needed and memorable trip! My emotions are a jumbled mix of remembering all my childhood road trips, contemplating the burdens of today and excitement for the hope that our family can escape into a mini-world of non-reality and non-commitment.

When I was a kid, we had a little tiny yellow pull-behind camper. It was painted to match our yellow, wood-paneled station wagon. Our ghetto paint-chipped canoe slapped on the roof of the car was like the cherry on top. Oh, those were the days! You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect memory recipe.

These memories I'm cherishing again as we ourselves are about to whip up our own little adventure concoction. I think that Homer will be our first stop. The inlet is crystal clear, the sky is beautiful blue, painted with billowy clouds. The sweet, piercing sounds of ‘Baliko’ are streaming through the speakers while we chew on our Costco pizza and sip on our Kaladi coffees. The baby is sleeping and the girls are pretending to nap in the bunk above our heads. I’m a bit surprised to find that I can type while we drive in this thing, and it doesn’t make me carsick.

Making our own recipes for memories, for

life really, that’s what this is about I think. And of course resting, and re-connecting as a family. I so desperately don't want to take the backseat in life. God forbid that I let life just happen to me, because I don’t have the energy or motivation to take the reins. Thankfully, God sends me wake-up calls now and then that send a chill down my spine. The thought of the days and weeks and years that could pass without intention or purpose, just living in that state, it’s frightening.

So, with the chills comes resolve. I will not allow life to just happen to me, to our children, without our active intent and involve-ment. I cannot be busy with my own good activities or ministries or passions, or even depression, and leave them to fend for themselves. If it takes getting down on the floor to play a game, going on a little girl date, cuddling when I don’t feel like it or...going on a road trip...

This trip...it will be good, regardless of what happens. It forces normal life to an abrupt halt so we can escape together on an adventure. I know that in our little adventure, our own recipes will evolve. Recipes for life.

And I forgot how beautiful Homer is!

My daughter Sophia, age 8, decided to write a little something too...Enjoy!

homer to seward

chapter 1 the ride.Let me tell you that was the most fun camping ride i ever had! First i got a cinnamon roll it was soooo good! Then we headed to homer. Then me and Ivy started to color then i asked my dad are we almost there? He said 1050 MILES!!!! I was exaggerating when i said 1050 it was actually 150. Then me and ivy played for a while. Then i took a nap. Then me and Ivy partyed on mom and dads bed. I frgot to tell you it was in an rv.

...Stay tuned for Day 2.

A Love Affair...of the Coffee Sort

Coffee. The composi-tion of those 6 letters creates the center of my adulthood love affair. Dramatic? Perhaps. Inaccurate? No. Who would have ever thought you could take some hard, nasty inedible green beans, throw them in fire, smash them to pieces and then drink the liquid that comes from soaking those nearly burned little buggers in hot water? But, someone did it once, and...here we are!

And so, I succumb, time and again, to its powers. The black liquid gold...bringing with it a little more energy, a little more motivation, and yes, a little more 'happy'. I think more than those things though, is a taste of the familiar, a taste of comfort, if there can be one.

Being the busy girl that I am, with kids, babysitting more kids, going to work, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and on and on...all the time, I have more to think about than coffee...right?? But, it's there, like a little subliminal message, with its little tiny coffee voice shouting, "Coffee! Coffee!"

If you're a coffee-er, you have your coffee 'spots' and your coffee drinks...ya know, THE drink. When we're not drinking it, we wish we were. These days for me it's the Iced Americano. Throw a little peanut butter syrup (oh, don't knock it till you've tried it!) and some cream in there, and it's divine!

But then there's the issue of money, so in efforts to be more FRUGAL, as my blog is so fondly named, my husband and I have finally given in to the home espresso brewing system! (I suppose the ultimate frugal move would be to stop drinking coffee altogether - *gasp* - but this is much more fun...) It's the Saeco Odea Giro Super Automatic Espresso Machine, designed by BMW DesignworksUSA. Oh, it's not as fancy (or expensive) as it sounds, and we even went with a refurbished model, but oh man...talk about fun!

And now, I have unlimited caffeine at my fingertips ...

oh, the love affair continues!