I like nice things. The apparent, given Distractions. Shopping and coffee...my iPhone, getting lost in the Food Network now and again. I love the fall and all that it brings. The orangi-ness and crispi-ness and autumn-ness surrounding us, illuminated by the perfect sunny skies; the pumpkin-spice lattes and costumes, leading to Christmas bazaars and cuddling up in our slippers and sweaters in our cozy homes. Summer in Alaska evaded us, but fall must show it's beautiful face. There is a solace in that somehow.
If I want to take this even further, I like to be busy. I love to donate my time for good causes and making a difference. I love my friends and my family, that, at times, leave me utterly speechless as I wonder how I deserve them. My church, that I love so much, where I give more time and more energy... and finally, my husband and three beautiful daughters... the list is endless of the good, good things I like. Surrounded by these good things, satisfaction seems inevitable.
But here's the thing...
In and of themselves, these are earthly things, and I believe that I have been a bit blind. Because even still, the 'unsatisfied' creeps in without a trace.
Ironically, Oswald Chambers writes in today's daily reading from 'My Utmost For His Highest', "To have a master means that there is one who knows me better than I know myself, one who is closer than a friend, one who fathoms the remotest abyss of my heart and satisfies it, one who has brought me into the secure sense that he has met and solved every perplexity and problem of my mind."
The void, it will come. It is not a matter of if it will come, but when. For me, the daily exhaustion, over-commitment and stress trigger the void. Strained relationships, loneliness, and of course traumatic situations trigger the void. Over time, the patterns I have learned to satisfy these voids as they come are worn and even imprinted in my brain. When I feel empty and hungry, do I turn to the Lord, before I choose something else from the list?
Last week, our church had a fast, those who wanted to going without food or other things as we pursued Christ, spending times in prayer. I decided to give up caffeine. Six days is just about enough time to painfully detox and come out the other side relatively in tact. Other than the debilitating four day migraine, it's actually hard to remember details of the week, as I was in a bit of a fog.
By about day 5, the fog in my head started to clear, both physically and spiritually. Giving up coffee cost me something. Giving up the comfort and pattern of satisfaction that it brought were equally as difficult as the physical detox was. But as the ache for it started to fade, a clarity in hearing the voice of God took it's place. I can honestly say that it was worth it.
I am not suggesting that you give up coffee. I am not suggesting that you give up the thing that brings you the most satisfaction. I am suggesting that you just stop for a minute and look at your satisfaction patterns. When the void comes, what do you do? What do you turn to?
I would like to present that in our moments of greatest weakness, greatest strength, and every apathetic moment in between, that we turn from our patterns of self-satisfaction, to the Lord. Because, when it comes right down to it, what is it that will get us through when the hard thing comes? Will the coffee or the alcohol or whatever it is that has worked before, keep us going? I am suggesting that it will not. My experience has told me that it will not.
"But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well," Matthew 6:33. There is an order in the spiritual realm. If we confuse the order, if we mix up seeking the things before pursuing God, then let me tell you, it does not go well. God is reminding me of His perfect order.
And I will go as far as to say that there is more at stake than perfect order. There is more at stake than making efforts to assure that we do not fall when the pressure comes. It is not about us. We, who are believers in Jesus Christ, serve a God who is Holy, Sovereign and Almighty. He does not tolerate these things in our lives that we have made to be idols. When we turn to these things before Him, again, and again...it is only a matter of time before correction comes.
But as we choose Him in our lives, He gives us life abundant, beyond what we could ever hope for. There comes order and peace. There is joy and there is understanding. When we persevere and walk unwavering, eyes fixed on Him alone, He WILL satisfy us. End of story.
"Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love
and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with
good things
so that your youth is renewed
like the eagle's."
-Psalm 103:2-5
I am learning to walk this out, re-directing my paths to satisfy the voids as they come. Coffee is back, but with some boundaries. We'll see how it goes ... I think that as I continually lay all these things before Him at his feet, and I listen for what he says, AND am willing to obey, the order will correct itself.
And just as I am about to completely forget the satisfaction that I chose to sacrifice in the beginning, the satisfaction comes.
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