Does Life Get Any Better Than This?

Being a mama. Who knew how terribly hard and wonderful it would be? I think back to before I had children, what like, nine or a million years ago...and I don't really remember it. I mean I do, but I don't remember feeling it.

Now, don't misunderstand me. Marrying my husband was in the top like 2 decisions I've ever made. He is my perfect match, my partner-in-crime, my shining star. Life without him, I can't imagine, and to say that I am thankful that God put us together, is an understatement. (I would say he completes me, but I just can't say it!)

Being a mother though, it's a love of a different kind. It aches and protects, admires and sustains. The love of the nurturing sort. Such extremes we moms face, wonderful days to very very bad days!

We're moving again - a post for another day, let me tell you! But I had a moment of thankfulness today, when in the packing and disorder and toys and boxes and snack remains strewn around, I looked over to see my three beautiful girls just loving each other. I didn't ask them to love each other, they just 'were'. The three perfect angelic lovelies, the reason I live and breathe, were perfect in their loveliness.

And then, as is all motherhood stories, shortly after I snapped this photo, Ivy started jumping on the mattress (that is now on the floor since we're moving) causing Charlotte to fall over and Kiki (the pug) was racing around like a crazed psycho puppy, trampling her while Sophia chased her around the room, trying to help, but making it all much much worse.

Moment gone, but not forgotten.

When I think about what I deserve, it's not three beautiful children and a loving husband. I don't deserve this life that I was given. But given it I was, and today the gratefulness overwhelms me.

Really, I ask you. Life, does it get any better than this?

Quicken, Friend or Foe?

Me and Quicken, we have a thing. I think we could be friends if I was super fantastic with money. But I'm not, so we are not too friendly. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking we're friends...we get to know each other a little better and then...ouch! Again, not really friends at all.

There are some things I'm really good at. A lot of things I do right. But my husband and I - I'm reluctant to say - not really good with money. I could probably pinpoint some childhood issues or learned habits, behavioral patterns or spiritual connetations. But the simple fact remains.

Our path through the wilderness of broke-ness (or brok-EN-ness) is well worn. We have been around the bend a few times and I suspect we are not done going around it. Clearly, God wants us to be good stewards of our money, and we are struggling through that. What I'm wondering about tonight, though, is this path.

What is it with these paths of difficulty that we hit? The remorse or desperation or thoughts of, "God, can we just catch our breath, catch a break?" can be overwhelming. But when the fog clears and I look back at the mucky mess, I'm certain I see glimmers of something beautiful... humility, patience, self-control, hope or even possibly, could it be...joy!? And so here I am, wondering... can these things be learned in the absence of difficulty?

I've said it before...I am no expert on this matter, or any matter, for that matter! But I do want to encourage some of you, whose path is not easy. For the heavy-laden, the broken-hearted or weary friends, I want to say something. In the midst of difficulty, in the muddy, nasty mucky mess...or even the little tiny mess...whatever it is, keep your eyes open for the jewels hidden there. Don't be tempted to wish for it gone! I dare you to take the risk and give up...you will not regret it. And when you've come to the end of yourself, you have come to the perfect place. When you are finally done with trying your very best, Jesus can finally step in and make right what went wrong. Pride can't survive here. Lust can't survive here. Self-centeredness can't survive here. Poverty...it can't even survive here.

There is so much to hope for. But the nature of our path, I don't know that it will ever be easy. And to wish and pray for an easy path...well, that's what I'm pondering. I'm questioning the hope and prayer that we make, that won't life just get easier? If my path feels wide and easy and lovely...then isn't something very wrong? Do I hope and plan for prosperity? Absolutely. Shoot for health, happiness and love? No doubt. Can I be fulfilled beyond words? Thank God, yes. Will my life be lived on a big-wide-shiney-not hard path? Not a chance.

Just consider the thought. Maybe you agree, maybe not. These are ponderings...

As for us, we are getting better with money, little by little. Thanks to God's grace, Dave Ramsey, sheer determination and a plan. Quicken and I, we will come to terms. Choosing to share our 'stuff' only lends to the fact that NONE of us are exempt from difficulty or hardship or consequences, no matter what. And through it all, what I'm finding is of utmost importance, is that we come to terms with the nature of the path itself.

I'm Burning Up From My Cabin Fever!

Anchorage Forecast, Saturday, April 17, 2010:
A bit of snow and rain at times in the morning followed by a passing shower in the afternoon.

Okay, I can't lie. This gets a little bit old by April. I have just almost made it through my 33rd winter in Alaska and you would think it gets easier over time. But ya know, I don't think it's easier. My kids are starting to go just a touch crazy and I am about to join them! More than anything, though, its the gray-ness and dirtiness and chill in the air that gets to me. Those of us who are greatly impacted by our environment can relate...

I admit, I hear the birds chirp some mornings and the sun shines now and again, so there is hope, we know this. But these flirtations of summer add to the suspense, the teetering brink, the fine line of.....can we make it through one more winter???

This is the time of year when our creative juices have to kick in at full speed to try to get that cabin fever down! We have to create our defense mechanisms. Some are fortunate and get to escape, for awhile, in an airplane, to somewhere warmer and sunnier. Those stuck here must fend for themselves, tinkering with motorcycles, letting the kids slosh around in the snowy sloppy mess, planting seeds indoors, putting daffodils on the dining room table, buying iced coffee drinks...we gotta fan that flame of hope that yes, summer will eventually come!

I have a few defense mechanisms listed below. What are your survival tips? Feel free to post your ideas for getting through this last stretch of winter. Lord knows we need to make it, and not just make it, but ENJOY these weeks ahead! Yes, its possible! And while you're busy trying to get by, you'll wake up one day and there will be leaves on the trees and the sun will be warm. And you will forget that just weeks before you were just trying to get by.

- Buy fresh cut flowers for the house

- Spring-themed Gel Gems (window clings) - available at Titlewave Books

- Spring crafts for kiddo's - Google spring crafts for kids and tons will pop up.

- Picnic meals on the floor - not as fun when not under age 10, but fun nonetheless

- Spring cleaning - what better time to clean stuff?

- An iced americano with cream and vanilla syrup from Kaladi's - it's these little things...

- Arctic Playgroundz, Anchorage Museum, Titlewave Books, Loussac library, Dimond Center, and Bouncin' Bears are some of our favorite outings....

- Detail the car - everything is gray and dirty outside...I'm always inspired to have the interior of my car detailed to compensate for it. It DOES make a difference.

We're tough Alaskans. We're strong, independent, we're survivors! We'll make it, as we always do. But life, it can be a little brighter and a little cleaner and a little less gray with some creative ingenuity!

Blessed

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Oh, There's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to stay
Well Blessed be your name

-Tree63


It's a choice. In a land where abundance flows, I will praise Him. In the desert, I will praise Him. I will praise Him when the sun is shining or after 7 months of winter with a forecast of snow, I will still praise Him and be GLAD! I will praise Him when we have enough in the bank and when we don't. I will praise Him when I miss my husband and when we're together. I will give Him every bit of praise that I have to give, even when it hurts to give it. And when all is well, I will still choose to say, "BLESSED IS YOUR NAME, ABOVE ALL OTHER NAMES!"

Princesses

'How does Easter grass seem to get into every nook and cranny of our house?' I think to myself earlier as I'm scurrying around trying to get our lives back into a somewhat normal and sanitary state of existence. Then I was scurrying around trying to find my cup of coffee so I could re-warm it, only to find it was already in the microwave, re-warmed.

Scurrying. It's what I so often do these days. Lately, there are times that I could just sit on the floor in the middle of the chaos and scream 'I GIVE UP!'. There are times when I vow I won't wash another dish, do another load of laundry, respond to another 'MOMMY!', go back to my job, make another meal. There are times I feel it's just too much to keep going on every day like this, bearing the weight of two parents in so many ways.

Then, there are times when I realize that when my girls are grown, I will wish for these days again.

There are times when it hits me...watching some beautiful single mothers who work so hard, without the luxury of a wonderful husband working two jobs to support the family.

There are times I remember childrens' cancer wards and countries where babies are mal-nourished, sick and dying. Parents who don't know if today will be the last they will have with their child.

Or the time I broke down in tears when I heard of the mother who slept in a local gas station bathroom with her newborn baby because the homeless shelter was not safe.

There are times when I'm certain I have no love to give on my own, and then supernaturally I can love and I can care for my family, because I am filled with HIS love.

There are times, like today, when I chose to stop vacuuming Ivy's room to dance a princess dance with a little girl adorned in her Ariel costume. "Do you like princesses, Mommy?" she asked. "Oh yes, honey," I replied. "Aren't they beautiful, Mommy?" "Absolutely," I said. "Yah, Daddy doesn't really like princesses and neither does Sophia," she pondered. And so we had a moment, a we-like-princesses-together bonding moment, which I could have so easily missed had I kept on vacuuming.

This week has been one of those times when I feel like I can't do it anymore. I know I really can, and I know I really will. It's just a week of weak moments. I'm working out how to bridge the gap of dealing with the reality of our circumstances, staying sane, and still trying to savor those precious moments. It's a stumbling, fumbling-through process. What little I do right, and what little I've figured out has only been by the grace of God, in a very non-cliche, very real sense. I know we'll get through it and I'll look back and go, 'Wow, look at what we've come through! How did we DO that?"

And I will think of God's grace and remember the princesses.

Easter dresses

Growing up, Easter meant my sister and I got new dresses. Living on a church salary, most of our clothes came from goodwill, so something new was momentous. On Easter, we would get a handmade dress or sometimes a store bought dress, if there was a little extra money. I still remember the thrill of one year especially, getting a hat and gloves and a purse to match!

Then there was always the egg dying and special dinner at my grandparents house loaded with all of our family and friends. Of course, I knew we celebrated Jesus' resurrection too, but as a child, it was only a piece of the entirety. And so my lovely childhood Easter memory formed its identity and interlaced through time, wafting through each year, making its way to the present, mostly intact.

Now, being much, much older, my 'Easter identity' bears a lot of similarities. However, there is a solemnity, reverence, gratitude and joy of the season and what Christ endured for us that has taken root since I was little. A grown-up version, you could say. Dresses, bunnies and easter baskets would seem just a bit silly and even possibly irreverent, except in their identity, for me lies this root of a much greater meaning.

I've noticed how we can often associate petty things with things of much greater meaning. At the same time, the greater meaning seems to lose some of its greatness without those same seemingly petty things. It's kind of human nature, you could say. For me when I see the Easter dresses and candy come out, I get that tinge of joy because I know its time to celebrate one the greatest days of all time.

And I know, when it comes right down to it, the story of Easter has nothing to do with lilies, chicks and spring. When I think of our Father God, in his love for me, sending His son, Jesus to earth...and the raw truth of what he suffered on the cross for me and then raising from the dead three days later, saving all of humanity...does that sound like something that is represented by an egg hunt followed by a nice ham for dinner? Its almost laughable. And yet, its all kind of morphed into one day, one 'identity'.

So now I'm buying Easter dresses for my own daughters. Once again I have carefully planned their outfits, little baskets, egg dying and dinner. For that split second when I start to wonder why I should care about these small 'materialistic' rituals, I remember these little unimportant things are really kind of important. My 'Easter identity' wouldn't be the same without them, and while I could live without them, what fun would that be?!

We each have our stories..our Easter 'identities', traditions and even moral convictions. In reflection on the real reason we celebrate Easter...the sacrificial and joyous story of redemption through His resurrection, and the not-as-important fun little traditions, I am pondering the lasting effects it all will have on my girls. Yes, the new dress is fun and dying Easter eggs is super fun, but...my excitement lies in their understanding of what Christ did for them and how much He loves them! I know that someday this season will hold for them a much deeper meaning than just the superficial, as it does for me.

Happy Easter!