Princesses

'How does Easter grass seem to get into every nook and cranny of our house?' I think to myself earlier as I'm scurrying around trying to get our lives back into a somewhat normal and sanitary state of existence. Then I was scurrying around trying to find my cup of coffee so I could re-warm it, only to find it was already in the microwave, re-warmed.

Scurrying. It's what I so often do these days. Lately, there are times that I could just sit on the floor in the middle of the chaos and scream 'I GIVE UP!'. There are times when I vow I won't wash another dish, do another load of laundry, respond to another 'MOMMY!', go back to my job, make another meal. There are times I feel it's just too much to keep going on every day like this, bearing the weight of two parents in so many ways.

Then, there are times when I realize that when my girls are grown, I will wish for these days again.

There are times when it hits me...watching some beautiful single mothers who work so hard, without the luxury of a wonderful husband working two jobs to support the family.

There are times I remember childrens' cancer wards and countries where babies are mal-nourished, sick and dying. Parents who don't know if today will be the last they will have with their child.

Or the time I broke down in tears when I heard of the mother who slept in a local gas station bathroom with her newborn baby because the homeless shelter was not safe.

There are times when I'm certain I have no love to give on my own, and then supernaturally I can love and I can care for my family, because I am filled with HIS love.

There are times, like today, when I chose to stop vacuuming Ivy's room to dance a princess dance with a little girl adorned in her Ariel costume. "Do you like princesses, Mommy?" she asked. "Oh yes, honey," I replied. "Aren't they beautiful, Mommy?" "Absolutely," I said. "Yah, Daddy doesn't really like princesses and neither does Sophia," she pondered. And so we had a moment, a we-like-princesses-together bonding moment, which I could have so easily missed had I kept on vacuuming.

This week has been one of those times when I feel like I can't do it anymore. I know I really can, and I know I really will. It's just a week of weak moments. I'm working out how to bridge the gap of dealing with the reality of our circumstances, staying sane, and still trying to savor those precious moments. It's a stumbling, fumbling-through process. What little I do right, and what little I've figured out has only been by the grace of God, in a very non-cliche, very real sense. I know we'll get through it and I'll look back and go, 'Wow, look at what we've come through! How did we DO that?"

And I will think of God's grace and remember the princesses.